The Last Timeslide
by nerak1138
Summary: A possible explanation for why Lister and Kochanski never dated in Series 1, but said that they had in Series 7.


**Author's Mumblings**: Like many others, I've often mulled over some of the inconsistencies of the show, trying to invent reasonable explanations for them. One of the most puzzling is Kristine Kochanski. Yes, I know it's just a show, but at the same time, I dwell about the changes in her character a _lot_. And I don't mean just the change in actresses, but also the fact that in Series 1 she and Lister had never dated, but in Series 7, they said they _had _dated for a while before Lister went into stasis and the crew died. How boggling!

I think I may have come up with a solution, though. It came to me while watching the Series 3 episode "Timeslides". What I've written here is an epilogue to that episode that explains why, in my mind, they went from not dating to dating during the course of the show. (As for why the actress changes, I figure they did so much dimension jumping and time travel and whatnot, they're lucky that's all that changed.)

Also, I apologize for any and all Americanisms that pop up in this story. Nobody's purfekt.

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Red Dwarf or any of its characters, nor do I own the rights to Jonathan Lethem. (I wouldn't mind owning the rights to Lethem, though. He's kinda cute.)**

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Lister crept into the photo lab and locked the door. He had butterflies in his stomach as he pulled the photograph out of his pocket that he was going to use. _I've got one last shot at happiness_, he thought. _I'm going to go back in time and bring Kochanski here._

_Wait. How in the world would I ever convince her to come here? "Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to go three million years into the future and repopulate the human species with me?" She'd have me locked up. Or worse, she might laugh at me._

Lister drummed his fingers on the counter for a moment, looking at her picture and thinking. _I remember taking this picture. I didn't have the courage to tell her it was just because I liked her. Maybe it's time I just told her how I felt, from the heart, and see what she says. That's what I've always wanted, isn't it?_

"I'll do it," He said aloud.

************************************************

Lister was just preparing to put the newly developed slide into the projector when he heard someone try to open the door.

"Sir?" Kryten called from outside. "Why is the door locked? I need to destroy the last of the developing fluid."

"Just a minute, Kryten," Lister shouted. _Got to hurry. Running out of time._

He turned the projector on and looked up. His breath caught in his throat. On the screen Kristine Kochanski was sitting at a table alone, reading a book.

"Excuse me, Miss Kochanski," He heard his own voice say. "Can I get a quick photo of you for the _Red Dwarf Newsletter_?"

"Sure," She said, putting the book down and smiling at him.

"Mr. Lister, is someone in there with you?" Kryten asked from outside.

"Just wait, Kryten," Lister yelled back.

On the screen, Kochanski cocked her head at him. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

"What _am _I waiting for?" Lister asked himself. He took a deep breath and stepped through the screen. Kochanski gave him a strange look. "Do you mind if I sit down with you?"

"Uh, no, I don't mind," Kochanski said slowly. "How did you…?"

Lister sat down. "How did I what?"

"Nevermind," She smiled. "I've been up for too long. My mind is playing tricks on me."

Lister folded his hands together to keep them from shaking and cleared his throat. "I don't know if you remember me," He began. "I'm Dave Lister."

She laughed. "Of course I remember you, silly. I see you around all the time."

"Well, what I haven't told you is that I've had a crush on you since the moment I laid eyes on you," Lister said frankly. "I know this is sudden, and I know you're probably going to say no, but I don't want to go another day without asking; Would you go out with me some time?"

Kochanski's face went through a spectrum of emotions. First surprised, then confused, nonplussed and, finally, flattered. "Dave, I would love to go out with you."

"You would?"

"I've always been attracted to you, too," She confessed, blushing a little.

A huge grin slowly spread on Lister's face. He was about to say something when suddenly Kryten appeared before them.

"Mr. Lister, please come with me," Kryten said urgently.

"Who is this?" Kochanski asked.

"Please, right away, sir," Kryten said again, pulling Lister up gently by his arm.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," Lister said regretfully. "Just think of what you would like to do for our first date, and when you know what you want, tell me."

"Okay," Kochanski said, confused. They vanished and Kochaski blinked. _Did I just imagine the whole thing?_ She looked down at her book, "As She Climbed Across the Table" by Jonathan Lethem, but she didn't feel like reading, anymore.

*************************************************************

"Sir, that was a terrible risk," Kryten admonished him, pulling the slide out of the machine. "I thought we'd agreed it was too dangerous."

"I'm sorry, Kryten," Lister said glumly. "I just had to try. I had to know for sure if she would ever…" He trailed off.

"Sir?" Kryten said worriedly. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Lister smiled wistfully. "I was just remembering something."

**************************************************************

Lister had just gotten off of duty and was going to meet Petersen for drinks. It had been a long day, putting up with Rimmer's smeghead attitude, and all he wanted was to get drunk.

"Hi," A voice said behind him.

Lister turned around. It was Kochanski! He stared at her for a moment before he remembered to reply, "Hi."

"So, how about dinner?" She asked, folding her hands together and looking coy.

"Dinner?" He repeated. "You mean, us? Together?"

"Of course," She laughed.

"Wow," He said. "I mean, yes! I'd love to." _I can't believe this! Kochanski is asking me out! This is incredible. Could this get any better?_

Kochanski bit her lip and gave him her best come-hither look. "Your place or mine?"

Lister grinned foolishly and danced in a circle for a moment, winning another laugh out of Kochanski.

"I'd better sit down," He said. "I feel dizzy."

END


End file.
